The Two Women of Midian: Lessons on Moral Clarity, and the Ethics of Speech

Adapted from my book God Intervenes Between A Person and Their Heart

Today, we embark on a profound journey through a timeless Quranic narrative from Surah Al-Qasas (verses 23–28), recounting Prophet Moses’s, upon him peace, encounter with two modest women at the well of Midian. These women, unnamed in the Quran yet immortalized by their actions and character, exemplify virtues that resonate deeply, especially for women seeking guidance in faith, dignity, and conduct. After fleeing Egypt in fear, exhausted, hungry, and alone, Moses, upon him peace, arrived at the well in Midian. There, he found a crowd of men watering their flocks. Standing apart, avoiding the throng, were two women restraining their sheep.

Moses, upon him peace, approached and asked, “What is your concern?”

They replied with quiet dignity: “We do not water until the shepherds have departed, and our father is an old man”

(Quran 28:23).

They speak to each other in straightforward terms, seeking clarification and offering it.

Their response revealed not only the necessity of caring for their elderly father’s flock in the absence of brothers, but also profound modesty and respect. They refused to mingle or compete in the crowd of men. Touched by their situation, Moses, upon him peace, immediately helped them. Despite his own fatigue and hunger, he watered their animals with strength and ease, then retreated to the shade and supplicated sincerely:

“My Lord, indeed I am, for whatever good You would send down to me, in need” (Quran 28:24).

This humble dua, born of reliance on Allah, opened doors he could not foresee. Swiftly, one of the women approached him, walking with utmost shyness and modesty.

She said, “Indeed, my father invites you to reward you for having watered for us” (Quran 28:25).

This “walking in shyness” (tamshi ʿala istḥyaʾ) is highlighted in the Quran as a mark of her character. Scholars note she guided him from behind, ensuring propriety even in necessity—neither leading ahead nor exposing herself to the wind. This was not weakness but strength rooted in haya’ (modesty and bashfulness).

Upon meeting their father—widely identified as Prophet Shu’ayb, peace be upon him, or a righteous man of Midian—Moses, upon him peace, shared his story.

The father reassured him: “Fear not. You have escaped from the wrongdoing people” (Quran 28:25).

Then, one daughter advised her father: “O my father, hire him. Indeed, the best one you can hire is the strong and the trustworthy” (Quran 28:26).

She had observed Moses’ strength in moving the heavy stone over the well alone and his trustworthiness in his demeanor and actions. The father offered Moses marriage to one of his daughters in exchange for service—eight years, or ten if he chose—with kindness:

“I do not wish to burden you. You will find me, if Allah wills, from among the righteous” (Quran 28:27).

Moses, upon him peace, accepted with integrity: “That is [established] between me and you. Whichever of the two terms I complete—there is no injustice to me, and Allah is over what we say, Witness” (Quran 28:28).

These women, daughters of a prophet according to the most agreed-upon view, teach us enduring lessons.

Modesty (haya’) is not weakness—it is strength. The woman approached with intelligence and self-responsibility, yet acted decisively when needed. Haya protects onself from harm, and protects dignity and pleases Allah. The Prophet Muhammad, upon him peace and blessings, said:

“Every religion has its distinct characteristic, and the distinct characteristic of Islam is modesty (haya’).”

He was described as more bashful than a virgin in her chamber.

These women stayed apart from the crowd, yet Allah sent help through Moses, upon him peace. Similar to Joseph, upon him peace, who did not pit himself against the corruption of the women and Zuleikha in the kingdom.

Shaykha Asharaawi said, when you are in need, help others whenever possible. A small act of kindness—watering animals—led to immense blessings: marriage, shelter, provision, and union with a righteous family. Moses, upon him peace, weary and starving, did not hesitate. “Whenever we can, we must help people as much as we can. Allah can open ways we do not know.”

Trust in Allah’s plan. Even in hardship—Moses, upon him peace, fleeing, the women burdened by duty—Allah orchestrates relief. I shared many times, the reminder:

“Allah plans matters without our knowledge… He can open [relief] in ways we do not know.”

Dignity, chastity, family respect, and sincere help define virtue. Their humility, respect for their father, and wise recommendation reflect upright character.

This narrative calls us—men and women alike—to revive haya’, humility, and good character in our lives. Modesty and gentleness are not flaws but hallmarks of Islam.

Staying Apart From Corruption: The Women of Midian and the Example of Yusuf (Joseph), Upon Him Peace

The women of Midian stood apart from the crowd of men—not out of arrogance, nor out of hostility, but out of principled restraint. They did not enter the chaos of the well. They did not push, compete, or fight. They held back with dignity, trusting that Allah would open a door for them without compromising their values. And Allah did: He sent Moses (Musa), upon him peace, as their helper.

This pattern appears elsewhere in the Qur’an. Yusuf, upon him peace, did not pit himself against the women of the kingdom or against Zuleikha. He did not enter their games of seduction, rivalry, or political manipulation. He stepped away from their arena entirely, even choosing prison over participation in a corrupt social dynamic. His refusal to engage in their contest was not weakness—it was moral clarity. And Allah honored that clarity by elevating him above all of them.

Both stories reveal a profound spiritual law:

When righteous people refuse to enter corrupt contests, Allah Himself intervenes on their behalf.

The Misalignment of Modern Claims: “We Do Not Compete With Men”

There was no rivalry, no jealousy, no competition, no manipulation between the two women. This is the Qur’anic model of haya’: responsibility, clarity, and protection from harm—not competition or scheming. Some women today claim, “We do not compete with men or fight men,” presenting this as a sign of modesty or feminine virtue. Yet, in practice, this claim sometimes masks a very different reality:

• competing fiercely with other women, to the point of taking their writings, like this one, without haya
• erasing women’s voices
• undermining women’s reputations
• fighting women online through insinuation and shade
• refusing direct dialogue with women while engaging in indirect attacks
• This is not the haya or the restraint of the women of Midian.
• This is not the dignity of Yusuf.
• This is not the haya’ praised in the Qur’an.
• This is manipulation or kade

The Missed Lesson: Haya is not kade (sinful cunning) or manipulation

• The women of Midian did not selectively avoid conflict with men while engaging in rivalry and slander with women. The two women should be compared with the women around Zuleikha. Their restraint was consistent, principled, and rooted in taqwa. They avoided unnecessary entanglement with men, as well as with women. They did not compete horizontally or vertically. They simply acted with integrity.
• Likewise, Yusuf did not avoid conflict with men but entered into conflict with women. He avoided all corrupt dynamics—regardless of gender—because his standard was not social but spiritual.

Why This Matters Today

• When someone claims modesty toward men but behaves aggressively toward women, the issue is not haya. It is kade and misdirected competition. It is a selective application of virtue that reveals the underlying motive: not modesty, but image management.
• True haya’ is not gender‑specific. True haya’ is not selective. True haya’ is not a performance. True haya’ is a moral posture toward all people.

The Qur’anic Model: Step Away From Corruption, and Allah Sends Relief

• The women of Midian stepped away from the crowd—and Allah sent Moses, upon him peace.
• Yusuf stepped away from the palace intrigue—and Allah elevated him above the entire kingdom.

Both stories teach the same principle:

When people refuse to enter corrupt contests, play kade, Allah sends help from directions they could never imagine.

This is the spiritual intelligence missing from many modern conflicts. Instead of stepping away from rivalry, some individuals—sometimes even those who present themselves as religious voices—enter battles with other women while claiming modesty toward men. Yet, they use these same men whom they do not compete with to harm other women. Similar to how the women in the kingdom used the men to imprison Joseph, upon him peace.

When “We Do Not Compete With Men” Masks a Different Strategy

Some people claim, “We do not compete with men,” presenting this as a sign of modesty or feminine restraint. But their actions reveal a different pattern: they avoid direct conflict with men while behind the scenes using men as instruments to harm other men and women. This is not modesty. It is a strategic redirection of rivalry. They are cunning, not morally intelligent.

The Qur’an gives us two contrasting models that illuminate this dynamic.

They miss the Qur’anic lesson entirely.

The Ethical Intelligence of Moral Restraint

The women of Midian and Yusuf share three qualities:

• They refused to enter corrupt dynamics.
• They trusted Allah to send relief, not engaged in kade like the women of the city
• They maintained dignity with both men and women.

This is the model the Qur’an elevates. This is the model that protects hearts. This is the model that Allah honors.

When someone feels comfortable inviting you into slander, gossip, or character‑tearing conversations, it is a sign that they do not see you as a person of haya. And when a person responds to such invitations the way the women of the city responded to the scandal of Yusuf—through gossip, insinuation, and appetite for rumor—they are not acting with modesty or haya. They are acting with the very psychology the Qur’an critiques.

To understand the depth of haya (modesty), we must analyze these unnamed women in contrast to the “Women of the City” in the story of Joseph. While the latter utilized “bashfulness” as a performative mask for predatory gossip and manipulation, the women of Midian embodied a “spiritual intelligence” that prioritized truth over image.

The Clarification Model

Moses did not rely on projections or “whisper networks.” He approached the women and utilized the “Clarification Model,” asking a direct, dignified question: “Mā khaṭbukumā?” (What is your situation?). This is the Quranic standard: Ask. Clarify. Do not assume.

The women responded with what I define as active moral intelligence. Their reply was unembellished, providing the necessary facts—their father’s age and the shepherds’ behavior—without emotional manipulation or coded language. They spoke because it was necessary, and they spoke with a precision that shames the modern culture of innuendo.

Attributes of Midianite Speech vs. Corrupt Communication

Trait	Evidence from Source	Corrupt Counterpart	Impact
Unembellished Language	Stating facts of the well and the father’s age.	Vague accusations or “shade” intended to harm.	Prevents misunderstanding; maintains dignity.
Directness	Answering “Mā khaṭbukumā?” without riddles.	“Women told me…” or “People are saying…”	Eliminates the need for speculation or “back-channeling.”
Absence of Speculation	No inquiry into Moses’ past or origins.	Digging for “dirt” or consultng gossip networks.	Anchors the mind in clarity rather than speculation.
Functional Interaction	Speaking only what was required for the task.	Use of “bashfulness” as a tool for attraction or kade.	Preserves the heart from spiritual decay and vanity.

Due Process and Cross Examination vs. Whisper Networks

The role of the father (Prophet Shu’ayb or a righteous elder) serves as the primary model for “Due Process.” When the daughter suggested hiring Moses, she did not rely on vague innuendo; she provided concrete evidence: his strength and his trustworthiness. Crucially, the father did not act on a “whisper network.” He insisted on a face-to-face investigation, inviting Moses to narrate his story directly. This moves the narrative from “I heard it through the grapevine” to face-to-face engagement, where one can witness the physical embodiment of the character.

“Walking in Shyness”: Haya’ as Active Moral Strength

The phrase tamshī ʿalā istḥyāʾ (walking in shyness or modesty) is often misinterpreted as fragility or social withdrawal. However, the Quranic text presents haya’ as “protective intelligence”—a moral force that restrains the ego from causing harm. Islam teaches women to protect themselves from the harm of others and not to cause harm. This is what is clear in their position at the well. If shyness meant not showing interest, she would not have hinted to her father to hire him.

Active Moral Intelligence

When the woman returned to invite Moses, upon him peace, to meet her father, her conduct demonstrated disciplined agency. Classical commentators note that she guided Moses, upon him peace, from behind to ensure propriety—a move that reflects an active commitment to navigate a necessary task (the invitation) without moral compromise. Her modesty was not silence; it was a “shield that guards the heart.”

The Shield of the Heart: Five Protections

True haya’ is a moral posture toward all people that protects the individual from:

1. Entering Corrupt Dynamics: Refusing to push into the chaos of the “crowd” or the competition of the well.
2. Engaging in Harmful Speech: Avoiding the “spiritual malpractice” of slander and unverified rumors.
3. Exposing Oneself to Moral Danger: Stepping away from “palace intrigue” and predatory social circles.
4. Participating in Horizontal Rivalry: Refusing to compete for status or “erase” others to elevate oneself.
5. Compromising Integrity: Rejecting the use of “shade” or innuendo to maintain a false religious image.

The Egypt Contrast: The Psychology of Kade and Gossip Culture

To fully understand Midianite virtue, we must contrast it with the “Women of the City” in the story of Joseph. This group represents a state of spiritual decay where “bashfulness” is weaponized for entertainment. They are not competing with men. They are easily recruited by Zuleikha to overpower Joseph, upon him peace.

Comparative Analysis: Functional vs. Emotional Interaction

The two women of Midian were not fighting for Moses. They were not in competition, nor were they driven by jealousy or strategy. Their interaction was functional and ethical. Conversely, the Women of Egypt were driven by an appetite for rumor and predatory gossip. They did not compete with men; they manipulated men.

The Weaponization of Authority

A critical distinction lies in how these groups interacted with male authority. The Midianite women sought transparent authority through their father to resolve a situation with integrity. The Women of the City used their husbands’ political power and the court system to harm Joseph, upon him peace, weaponizing the law to imprison an innocent man rather than face the truth. This is the “Psychology of Avoidance” (Egypt) vs. the “Psychology of Maturity” (Midian).

The “Weaponized Modesty” Critique: Selective Haya’ vs. Integrity

In contemporary social dynamics, we see a misalignment where individuals—including “online shaykhas”—claim “modesty toward men” while engaging in fierce “horizontal rivalry with women.” This is a selective application of virtue that reveals “image management” rather than true haya’.

The Strategy of Ambiguity

The claim “We do not compete with men” often masks indirect aggression. When an individual avoids direct conflict with men but uses those same men as instruments to erase, undermine, or take the writings of other women without credit, they are practicing kade (sinful cunning). If a person feels comfortable sharing gossip with you, it is a definitive sign that you do not have haya’, for a person of true modesty shuts the door on slander.

• Refusing Direct Questions: Using “bashfulness” to evade accountability or evidence.
• Declining Mediation: Rejecting transparent, neutral processes to resolve conflict.
• Speaking Through “Shade”: Using innuendo and vague “stories” to attack reputations.
• Taking Without Haya’: Appropriating the intellectual work or voices of others while claiming religious restraint.

True haya’ is not gender-specific; it is a consistent moral posture. To claim modesty while engaging in “back-channel whispering” is a form of spiritual decay that contradicts the prophetic model.

The Spiritual Law: Divine Intervention and the Names of Allah

The narratives of Moses and Joseph reveal a profound spiritual law: When the righteous refuse to enter corrupt contests or play games of kade, Allah Himself intervenes.

The Divine Names in Action

• Al-Wahhab (The Giver): Allah is the donor of all without conditions. Because Moses helped the women without expecting a return, Al-Wahhab rewarded his conditionless help with shelter, a job, a family, and provision.
• Al-Muhaymin (The Guardian): Nothing escapes His attention. Al-Muhaymin observed Moses’ good deed and fully rewarded it. This Divine Name is reflected in the human through conscious awareness—watching one’s own actions, words, and thoughts with the same intensity that Allah watches the heart.

By refusing the corruption of the palace or the chaos of the well, both Joseph and Moses, upon them peace, proved that surrendering to the “new reality” God provides leads to unforeseen elevation.

Conclusion: Reviving Quranic Ethics

The women of Midian provide the ultimate blueprint for the “Ethical Intelligence of Moral Restraint.” Their legacy is a reminder that haya’ is not social withdrawal, but a disciplined commitment to Truth.

Enduring Lessons for the Modern Reader

1. The Ethics of Speech: Speak only factual, necessary truths. Avoid the “spiritual rot” of the plural noun (“women told me…”) used as a weapon.
2. The Discipline of Not Assuming: Like Moses, ask directly. Like the father, investigate face-to-face. Do not build a narrative on the “whisper networks” of gossipers.
3. The Courage to be Transparent: Invite scrutiny and mediation. True haya never hides behind ambiguity to avoid accountability.

The Women of Midian—neither scholars nor influencers—were chosen by Allah to teach the highest form of haya: Truth. Their silence was not complicity, and their speech was not gossip. They remind us that real modesty is the strength to step away from the crowd and trust that Allah, the Guardian, sees the integrity of the heart.